Jack Primus Interview

May 7, 2012

Collapsing ShackArizona: I caught up with the legendary Jack Primus inside of the Glenwoods Springs Brewery. He had just finished saving the world two or three times. Jack had been posting his adventures online, but after his girlfriend drove off with a bunch of darkness worshipping serial killers and his sidekick was cut into more pieces than Newt Gingrich has extra marital affairs, Jack had publicly declared that his blogging days were over and I tracked him down to see why. Okay, maybe I already told you why, so let’s just say I was interviewing him because I could actually find him. A little snake told me where he might be, red next to black, friend of Jack…

AB: “Hello there, Mr. Primus. My name is Alex Bone. I bought you a pitcher and was hoping we could talk.”

JP: “You look familiar, but the Alex Bone I knew couldn’t have afforded a pitcher.”

AB: “I sold a few things out of theDiscordTowersto help fund this trip. I sure hope Winslow doesn’t notice that the flat screen in his office has gone missing. But our readers are more interested in you. So which was worse, having your best buddy killed before your eyes or seeing your girlfriend willingly hop into a black van filled with supernatural serial killers?”

JP: …

AB: “Wow, that really hurt. Can you cure other peop…no. Okay…I won’t. No, I promise. So what is next in store of Jack Primus?”

JP: “The second book in my adventures is coming out this summer so people will be able to follow my Chronicles as they lead me back toward my home town and my final confrontation with Vile Darken. This time neither us will be walking away.”

AB: Since you could become a snake you could still leave by crawling away…Ow, okay, okay I’m sorry. Man, look my beer spilled. Lucky thing I sold Zano’s collection of porn on Ebay. Waitress another round and bring us some cheese steaks and chicken wings too.”

JP: “That guy looks like he didn’t enjoy being called a waitress. So let me ask you a question, Alex. You’re a follower of Yig, have you squashed any villains lately?”

AB: “Well, I have a high crawdad count. But now, I mostly fight for freedom through the use of the written word.”

JP: “Is that why you’ve gained a few pounds. Hey…watch it! You had better not start something you can’t finish, Boneman.”

AB: “Many will be curious as to why you are discontinuing your personal interpretation of your Chronicles on your blog.”

JP: “Who said I was? I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”

AB: “But I thought I heard that-”

JP: “What were you talking to Klich and those damn Darcarre? Screw them. Screw any alliance with the darkness. We can finish this ourselves. So Bone, what do you say? Will you head up toIdahowith me and help me take on Darken?”

AB: “I would, but ahhh have a deadline to keep. It’s this important Discord story about helping homeless kids being…ah, hunted down by serial killers. If I don’t get this copy to Winslow, they…will all be eaten.”

JP: …   … “Pass me the damn pitcher. Whatever happened to that little punker chick you were dating inTucson?”

AB: “Oh her, she turned out to be evil.”

JP: “Damn Xemmoni are everywhere these days.”

AB: “You sure got that right.”

Want to find out how Jack got this far?

Want to see more of Alex Bone’s articles on The Daily Discord?

Online Jack

Online Jack

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